S.I.N.

It's interesting, having a condition called SIN. That's what infertility is truly caused by, isn't it? Sin in this world.  Our fall in the garden.  In the perfect world God had created for us, I don't think we'd even know what infertility was.

There is so little information on the internet about my condition, that I felt it neccessary for me to put my experience out there.  Maybe someone else who has been diagnosed will find this helpful. Maybe not.  Either way, I felt the need to share my infertility and loss story. 

Basically, S.I.N. is a condition that causes swelling of the fallopian tubes over time.  Causes are not really clear, sometimes it is from PID, but other times (as in my instance) it is unknown. In fact, my doctor suggests I have always had it, but it didn't present until recently. 

"In very early stages, the tubes may appear almost normal.  As scarring and nodularity progress, the changes become more apparent."
-- source

What is known, is that women with S.I.N. are more likely to have a tubal pregnancy.  Doctors suggest IVF if I want to conceive. 

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My Infertility Timeline

When I got married in 2009 I went on birth control.  I did it because I didn't feel ready to have children and because, well, that's what you did when you got married.  

I came off birth control in January 2010 because I didn't like the way birth control affected my cycle and I had a hard time remembering to take it.  

We did not try to concieve, but didn't prevent. And in September of that year, I discovered I was pregnant.  7 weeks later, I lost the baby.

That following January (2011) we began trying to conceive. We had no luck and I finally went to the doctor at the end of that year.

It was at the end of that year when I had an HSG that told me that one tube was fully closed and the other was mostly closed.

By the time I had my laparoscopy in February of 2012, both tubes had completely closed up.

***
Looking back, I wish I had never taken birth control.  I regret it.  I feel that by taking BC, I wasn't putting my trust in God. Instead I was creating the outcome I desired. I still would have had S.I.N., but my condition was less severe back then and maybe I would have gotten pregnant.

One thing I know, God is bigger than medicine.  In fact, when they told me my womb was closed, it reminded me of women in the Bible whose wombs were closed and then opened by the Lord.  I believe it possible if it's His will.  

In addition to all that, there is hope.  God placed the desire to adopt in both me and my husband before we even met --perhaps in preparation for these very circumstances.  I trust Him.  I hold no anger in my situation. In fact, I feel honored that God thinks me worthy of such a burden and great responsibility of caring for the orphans.  My prayer is that He will lead us into the family He has for us.  I look forward to seeing what that looks like!

Blog Posts related to the topic:

Talking about it with your Spouse and experiencing every opportunity to it's fullest

If you have S.I.N. or struggle with infertility and have any questions, feel free to email me at
lifeonamissionblog@gmail.com

I'd love to talk with you :)

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