I am working through the Sermon on the Mount from She Reads Truth with two of the new friends God has blessed me with since our move. One of the focal verses is Matthew 5:9
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
Enter: The List.
What Does It Mean to be a Peacemaker?
to make peace; to be peaceful
1. Don't Gossip/Stir up Drama.
Something I started praying about many years ago (and still have to pray today) is that God would make me uncomfortable with gossip. I've always heard it's a girl thing (and I have no experience as a male to say otherwise) but the temptation to dive in to a juicy piece of "did you hear?" is a very real and present struggle. But never have I given in to the temptation and left thinking, "yeah. That was worth it. I feel so much better now that I know blah blah blah about that person." No. I always feel guilt and yuck thinking how much it would hurt if I knew two people were saying those same things or telling those same stories about me. Regardless of them being true or false. One thing gossip doesn't do is create peace.
2. Apologize When You Do Wrong.
When I first moved to Texas, I joined a praise team with my church. We have this app called GroupMe which allows us to text eachother in group form constantly. I love the community it has created. It wasn't long before I noticed these puplic apologies happening there. Someone would say a snarky comment (usually in partial jest) and then, without being asked for it, they would later apologize for said comment, worried it had hurt the person it was directed at. Within this group of friends, we have made it a point to make amends even over the smallest things. I'd never really encountered anything like that before and I'm not going to lie, at first, it was a bit uncomfortable for me. But, over time, I saw the grace that is extended when friends humbly ask one another for forgiveness. It is so freeing and actually helps bond relationships even tighter, especially when the apology isn't asked for.
3. Take a Second. Breath. Count to Ten.
If someone says or does something that just downright bothers you, Take a few seconds. Stop. Look at it from their perspective. Something that bothers me is when I'm asked a million questions. I admit this to be a flaw and something I really need to work on.
Also, I totally do this to others which I find really interesting/annoying. I can actually feel myself annoying others (aka my own self) when I do it. But I know that my asking questions just means I want to be involved. And so when I am feeling frustrated by someone else doing that to me, I need to stop. Remember their heart/motivations. Remember that I do the exact same thing. And treat them how I would want to be treated: with love and affirmation that my questions/opinions are valuable. (I'm still working on this one...)
4. Flesh It Out.
If you feel angry, hurt, or offended by someone or something, first: Complete steps 1-3. Skip the "venting" to your closest friend (try talking to God instead!) Ask yourself, what should I be apologizing to THEM for? And take a few moments to collect your thoughts so that you don't get off topic or say things you don't mean when the time comes to confront your transgressor. Next, calmly, humbly and respectfully bring it to their attention. Let them know it hurt you and why. Then, listen. That's often the hardest part. Enter the discussion with the goal of making peace and finding understanding or forgiveness.
5. Then, as Frozen teaches us, LET IT GO.
Don't hold on to that thing which bothers you, hurt you, or the things you've done to hurt others. Once the apology is made or discussion is had, let it go. Don't bring it up the next time an offense is made. That never makes an argument end more peacefully. And if it's you who's done the offending, dwelling on something that's already been addressed and forgiven will only trap you in your own guilt which God says is gone. There is no condemnation. He has forgiven you. Erased your sin.
Accept/Give Grace. It is freely given to you by the Prince of Peace Himself. He makes us peacemakers because His Holy Spirit lives in Us.